


Hold me close and don’t let go

by chaelattes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, hyungwon is a tease and jooheon is tired, lots of smoochies and cuddles at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 01:23:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14391237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaelattes/pseuds/chaelattes
Summary: “I-...”“You were only thinking about yourself, Jooheon. Of course you were. You always do.”“Hyung...”





	Hold me close and don’t let go

It was late. Hyungwon should have been fast asleep. Yet, he found himself outside Jooheon’s studio. He shouldn’t be here, not after Jooheon made it _painfully_ clear that he didn’t want to be around him anymore. It has been months since then, but Hyungwon needed clarification. Jooheon said what he said, but he never gave him a reason why. Whenever Hyungwon thought about it, it made him angry. They were usually so close with each other, but then Jooheon suddenly put some distance between them. It hurt, and he needed to know _why._

 

He would have knocked, but apparently the door was already slightly opened. Hyungwon pushed it open and stepped in quietly, not wanting to disturb the younger. He had hoped that he was alone so that they could talk properly, but Changkyun was here too. _Perhaps they were working on something together...?_

 

Changkyun immediately noticed Hyungwon, and a small smile curved onto his lips. “Hyung!” Hyungwon returned the smile faintly, before walking over to the younger two. Jooheon didn’t even look back once. “...What are you both working on?” He asked. Again, Jooheon didn’t turn back even the slightest, instead he was receiving all the attention from Changkyun. Fine, if he wanted to be like that, then Hyungwon will just disregard his presence too. “Jooheon hyung is just showing me a few things, maybe you can listen to it too? It’s good to have a range of opinions.” Before Hyungwon could even respond, Jooheon immediately cut in. “One person is enough. Too many opinions can get you confused.”

 

“I didn’t want to listen to it anyway.” Hyungwon snapped back. Jooheon’s shoulders tensed, but he didn’t respond. Changkyun noticed the sudden change in atmosphere, but he chose not to comment on it. It wasn’t any of his business. “Hyungwon hyung, What have you been up to lately?” The youngest asked, in an attempt to change the topic. “Hm... not much to be honest. The schedule has been quite packed up lately, I barely have time to breathe.” Jooheon then cuts in again. “If you’re so busy, then what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Hyungwon didn’t hesitate to snap back once more. “I could ask you the same thing. Last time I checked, the schedule doesn’t only apply to me. Or is your memory that bad?” It was suddenly silent again. Changkyun gave up with his attempts to ease down the sudden tension. “Hyung, stop being a dick.” He muttered, giving Jooheon a harsh push to his shoulder. “Hyungwon hyung, let’s go.” Before the older could respond, he was already dragged out of the studio by the younger. He glanced back, but... to his disappointment, Jooheon just had his back to him.

 

All he wanted to do was find out why, but now things were just getting worse. Hyungwon and Jooheon’s arguments were becoming more frequent, and the other members were getting concerned. Whenever they went on stage — or just whenever they went out in general, it was clear that the two were fighting. They used to be all over each other, but now there is a clear distance showing between them. Just like what happened with Hyungwon and Minhyuk...

 

Hyungwon didn’t want this. But what was he supposed to do? Whenever he attempted to talk things through with Jooheon, something would always go wrong. Either one of them snaps, or the words just don’t come out from their mouths. To make things more complicated — Neither one of them had a single clue on how to express their feelings, which didn’t help much at all. Their words would get muddled up and they would end up saying something which they didn’t want to say, resulting in the other person taking it the wrong way. Long story cut short, it was just a mess. Hyungwon no longer knew how to approach Jooheon, it was as if he didn’t know him anymore. Maybe he should just stop trying. If it’s what the younger wants, then so be it. Hyungwon wasn’t going to try anymore.

 

Jooheon on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had been months since he basically told Hyungwon to fuck off, yet he failed to get his mind off the older. Every time he’d feel Hyungwon’s gaze on him, it hurt. He knew that Hyungwon wanted to approach him on many occasions, but he kept hesitating. He couldn’t blame him, Jooheon never exactly showed any signs of wanting to talk, and he just continued to push Hyungwon further and further away.

 

When Hyungwon made a sudden appearance at his studio... maybe that was just another excuse to try and talk to him, but Changkyun was there as well, which he was grateful for. He didn’t think he’d able to handle the situation well alone, since he just results to anger really quickly, and on top of that... he didn’t really want to see Hyungwon. He knew that he’d be asked about what he said on that day and why he said it, and that’s the exact thing that he has been trying to avoid for all this time. He would’ve just told Hyungwon to get lost again if they were alone, but Changkyun managed to keep him distracted. That was all until they started making snarky comments at each other, and Jooheon was close to getting up and punching Hyungwon’s pretty little face. He knew that Hyungwon didn’t respond that way because he was angry though, it was just to show how hurt he was. Maybe Hyungwon thought that he didn’t make it obvious, but he’s an open book to Jooheon. It didn’t take long for him to realise.

 

Over time, Jooheon began to notice a sudden change in Hyungwon’s behaviour. He has become more... distanced from him. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he’d result to that after the way Jooheon has been treating him, but he just didn’t expect it. Hyungwon seemed so eager to get Jooheon’s attention before, but now he just acted as if he didn’t exist. Just like what Jooheon did to him... karma really did come back to bite him in the ass. Painfully hard.

 

The way Jooheon figures out how he caught feelings was because of the jealousy he felt whenever Hyungwon was all clingy with the other members. He does a lot with Hoseok and Shownu, but recently he has been spending a lot of his time with Changkyun. He didn’t like how Hyungwon would always have his arm draped around him... the way he pulled him closer and just kept him there. He couldn’t deny the fact that Changkyun and Hyungwon got along, they had a lot in common, but he also couldn’t deny the fact that it made him jealous. He didn’t even know whether Hyungwon was doing it on purpose, or was just using the youngest as a replacement for him — but either way, it did sting a little. Hyungwon no longer looked at him like he did before with his gaze glued onto him, he no longer smiled at him out of the hope of Jooheon possibly smiling back — nothing. It was as if the older finally decided to give up. This was what he wanted wasn’t it? So why did it hurt so much?

 

He was tempted to finally approach him and talk about things, wanting to be mature about this. Honestly speaking, it wasn’t fair that Hyungwon was doing all the work either, so now it was his turn. But, it wasn’t as if he could just blurt out ‘I love you’ when there was no established relationship between them... all the cuddling they did was simply for the need — the craving for affection which nobody else seemed to give them. They found that they could satisfy each other’s needs, and it all started from there. It was supposed to be a one-off thing, but Jooheon found himself visiting the older a lot more than necessary, and he enjoyed his company. Apart from cuddling and kissing for hours, Hyungwon would also encourage Jooheon to talk to him. About how his day went, how he was doing, all that stuff. But that was more of something people would do if they were in a relationship, right? He didn’t know, but over time he only found himself falling deeper and deeper for Hyungwon. Jooheon considered himself very cold and closed off, but that was where Hyungwon came in. Hyungwon filled in the love that he lacks... and he filled in Hyungwon’s loneliness. They both completed each other, yet Jooheon threw it all away. He had to fix this now.

 

He went to the dorms and it seemed as if the older wasn’t there. Coincidentally, Changkyun wasn’t there either. He knew he wouldn’t like the response, but he went to ask his hyungs about where they were anyway.

 

Changkyun’s studio... he felt a sudden burn in his chest. Hyungwon said once that Changkyun’s studio felt like home, and he would often fall asleep there, with his head on Changkyun’s lap... the image that came into his head only caused the burn in his chest to grow. Not really knowing what the youngest felt for the older, he couldn’t even imagine what they could be doing right now. This whole thing was like deja vu... instead of Hyungwon coming to see him, it was the other way around now, and Changkyun just happened to be in both situations. He didn’t feel any resentment against Changkyun, he could never hold anything against him. But... he was angry. Changkyun already knew how he felt about Hyungwon, yet he was out here doing all this with him. But maybe he shouldn’t assume. He’ll just go and see for himself.

 

On the other end, Hyungwon was resting his head onto the younger’s shoulder, letting out a soft yawn. This is what he gets for not sleeping early yesterday, it was just a waste of time seeing Jooheon. Ever since he decided to forget about Jooheon and at least try to move on, he felt as if things have become better for him. It no longer hurt as much as it used to. The burning sting that used to be there is now just a dull ache — something that will eventually fade over time. It’s a lot more difficult when Jooheon’s actually around though. He avoids eye contact with him the whole time and busies himself with another member, which just makes it obvious that he’s trying to avoid him. Hyungwon hates being obvious, but he knew that Jooheon had no problem when it came to reading him. He may have been unreachable to everyone else, but to Jooheon he wasn’t a complicated person, and it wasn’t difficult for him to figure Hyungwon out either.

 

He was pulled out of his thoughts as his head was suddenly moved onto the younger’s lap. Letting out a small groan, he looked up, only to see Changkyun smiling at him very faintly. “Sorry. Did I wake you? I just thought that your neck might hurt if you keep it on my shoulder... so I moved you.” Hyungwon waved his hand dismissively and offered the younger a small, reassuring smile. “It’s fine.” He said softly, before closing his eyes again. The sudden feeling of Changkyun’s fingers through his hair jolted him a bit, but he didn’t complain. It felt nice, and it helped him with falling asleep.

 

Apparently he was so deep into his slumber that he didn’t notice Changkyun leaving. He carefully moved Hyungwon onto the couch and put a blanket over him, before leaving the studio. But, just as he was about to step out, he was met with Jooheon — who was standing right there as he opened the door. “Hyung?” Jooheon completely ignored him and looked over him as if to see if Hyungwon was inside. Picking up on what he was trying to do, Changkyun allowed a heavy sigh to escape from his lips. “We didn’t do anything, hyung. I swear. I don’t even like him in that way. He just came here to get his mind off it...” He assured, looking up at his hyung with a serious expression. “He’s just sleeping right now... I left him on the couch. If you two decide to get up and leave, please lock the door.” Jooheon let out a lighthearted chuckle and nodded his head, before brushing past Changkyun. He came over to the main room and simply glanced at Hyungwon sleeping on the couch. It was... Cute.

 

It took him a while before he actually walked over to where the couch was; leaning down so that he could see Hyungwon’s face properly. Jooheon moves his hand and brushed Hyungwon’s hair away from his face. But after doing so, he found himself brushing his fingers through the soft pink strands, and he couldn’t hide the smile that appeared on his face after hearing the small noise Hyungwon made. He immediately jerked his hand back however as he saw Hyungwon’s eyes fluttering open. He was looking straight up at him. “Nn... Jooheon...? What are you doing here?” Hyungwon muttered softly, before sitting up to face Jooheon properly. Jooheon expected him to either flip out or just flat out ignore him...but he didn’t seem bothered at all by him being here. Maybe because he was tired. “I... came to talk.” Hyungwon stopped rubbing his eyes after hearing Jooheon’s response and looked at him with a flat expression. Did he say something wrong?

 

“You choose to do that after so many months. I’ve tried reaching out to you but you kept ignoring me. What made you change your mind suddenly? You’re so complicated...”

 

Jooheon sighed heavily and hesitated before responding. Hyungwon was right, what made him change his mind after all this time? While he was being an ass, the older was suffering. He doesn’t deserve him. “You started ignoring me. I didn’t like it.” Did that even come out right? Apparently not — judging by Hyungwon’s expression. “Yeah? And? You did the same to me for months, yet that didn’t seem to bother you one bit. If this is just going to be about you, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve been so selfish, I think we’re better off like this.”

 

_No... no..._

 

“No we’re not, and this isn’t about me. Please, just listen to what I have to sa—“

 

“You never even took a minute to consider listening to whatever I had to say, so why the hell do I have to listen to you? Cut the crap Jooheon.”

 

It hurt him to see the sudden change in Hyungwon’s behaviour towards him. It never used to be like this... and it was clear that he was still bitter. Why wouldn’t he be? Jooheon deserves to be yelled at. “I know that and I’m truly sorry, hyung. My selfishness has even ruined our friendship and I know it’s late but... I’ve realised it now. I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you...”

 

Hyungwon furrowed his brows and his lips curved into a small frown. He looked more upset than angry now... did Jooheon say something wrong again?

 

“Just tell me one thing. Be honest, please... I can’t handle you beating around the bush anymore.”

 

Jooheon knew exactly what he was going to ask, and he didn’t plan on lying about it either. Hyungwon deserves to know the truth, even if it ruins everything for good. “I will. What is it?”

 

“That time... why did you say that to me? Why did you suddenly cut me off completely? Please Jooheon, if it was something I did, all you could’ve done was tell me. We could have resolved it. I just want to know why... you’ve been avoiding it for so long now.”

 

“I’ll tell you. But promise me you won’t freak out, okay?...”

 

“Why would I— alright, fine, I won’t. I promise.”

 

Jooheon hesitantly met Hyungwon’s gaze. The look in his eyes wasn’t as scary as it was before... in fact, Hyungwon’s whole expression had softened. This must’ve been important to him. “...I’m in love with you, that’s why.” He started off, before breaking eye contact with Hyungwon and looking elsewhere. He was too afraid of the response he’d receive. He thought that Hyungwon would either laugh at him or look at him with the most disgusted expression, but when he snuck a glance at him, his expression was just... neutral. He didn’t seem bothered by it at all, so he decided it was safe to continue. “I know that what we were doing was simply for the purpose of fulfilling each other’s needs, but eventually I caught feelings. I didn’t know how to tell you and I was afraid of getting rejected and then ruining our existing friendship, so I decided to push you away. Even so, the feelings didn’t go. It just hurt a lot more whenever I saw you... remembering your face when I said those words to you.”

 

There was some silence between them for a while, and Jooheon honestly just wanted to fling himself out the window... but then Hyungwon finally responded.

 

“Didn’t you ever stop to consider that maybe I felt the same and that I could have been in that same state of confusion?”

 

_...what?_

 

“I-...”

 

“You were only thinking about yourself, Jooheon. Of course you were. You always do.”

 

“Hyung...”

 

Silence again. Jooheon couldn’t let this go downhill again, not when they’re finally speaking properly like this.

 

“Hyung, I’m really sorry. I know that it doesn’t excuse what I’ve put you through, and I understand that, but please forgive me. I really had no intention of hurting you and it was all in the moment of me trying to figure things out. I thought pushing you away would be the right thing to do, but it only made things worse and me ignoring your attempts to reach out to me only rubbed salt into the wounds. I’m so sorry. I’d even understand if you choose not to forgive me, I don’t deserve it. I just-... I want you to know that I truly am sorry.” Jooheon blinked back the tears that threatened to spill out from his eyes. He hardly ever cried... but in a situation like this, where he could possibly lose Hyungwon forever... knowing that it would be his fault... how could he not?

 

His heart jumped as he suddenly felt a pair of arms going around him, and he was suddenly pulled onto something warm. Hyungwon’s chest. He was hugging him. “Why...?” Jooheon asked, moving his head up slightly to look at the taller male. “It was all a miscommunication of feelings. It could have all been avoided if we had just been more straightforward with each other about what we felt. I know confessing to someone is scary, it’s not as if I came out to tell you about what I felt for you either. I thought that my clinginess to you would’ve said it.” Hyungwon pressed a small kiss onto Jooheon’s forehead and closed his eyes, letting out a small sigh. That made Jooheon scoff. “You’re clingy with everyone!” He immediately regretted saying that as he noticed the smug expression creeping onto the older male’s face. “So you were jealous?” Jooheon’s lips formed a small pout and he shook his head, before burying his face onto Hyungwon’s chest. Hyungwon really missed this... teasing Jooheon and seeing him pout about it. It was really cute.

 

“Aw, my little Heonie was jealous after all, hm? Well, no need to worry now. I’m all yours.” This made Jooheon look up at Hyungwon again, his eyes slightly widened. “You mean that...?” Hyungwon nodded, the smug expression not leaving his face. “So... Since we basically confessed to each other... I guess this means that we’re officially... more than friends.”

 

“More than friends? Boyfriends. You can say it, Heonie.” Hyungwon’s lips curved into a small smirk and Jooheon gave him a playful push in response. The nickname always got to him, and it was clear through the blush appearing on his cheeks. “Seriously, stop before I hit you. Anyway, we should get back, it’s late. The others might get worried.” Hyungwon didn’t give a response. He just forced Jooheon to look up at him again, and then traced his thumb across his lower lip. “Hyung?” He ignored that too and just leaned closer, pressing a small kiss onto Jooheon’s lips. That definitely took the younger by surprise, but... he wasn’t going to complain. He missed this a lot, and he missed how Hyungwon’s lips felt against his own. There wasn’t any roughness to the kiss — not like there would be before. This time, it was soft and slow, and Jooheon preferred it like this. Hyungwon playfully nipped at Jooheon’s lower lip, before pulling away with a small smile. “Mhm, let’s get back then. You’re staying in my dorm tonight, Kihyun can swap with you.”

 

“But—“

 

“You don’t want to?”

 

“...I do...”

 

Hyungwon stared at Jooheon, as if waiting for confirmation, and the younger only responded with a nod. Not saying anything else, Hyungwon took the other male’s hand and intertwined their fingers, before leaving the studio — remembering to lock the door from behind as Changkyun said to.

 

Once they got back, they immediately kicked their shoes off and got into more comfortable clothes, before sliding under the bed covers. Hyungwon had his shirt off and Jooheon couldn’t help but to stare. Of course, Hyungwon noticed and that annoying smug expression of his returned to his face. “Like what you see?”

 

“No.” Jooheon grinned. Hyungwon scoffed and pulled the younger down onto the bed. “Stop being a brat.” Jooheon’s grin remained on his face as he traced small circles onto Hyungwon’s chest with his finger. “It’s not exactly boiling hot. Put your shirt back on.” The older leaned closer and started peppering Jooheon’s face with soft kisses. The overwhelming amount of affection just reminded him of Minhyuk, and it was hard to hold in his laugh as the kisses were starting to tickle as they reached his neck. “Stop it!” He whined, trying to push the taller male away. “My shirt is off because it’s cold and you need to be warm.” Jooheon scoffed at Hyungwon’s response and gave him another playful push. “So... you’re my heater then?” The taller male nodded his head, it didn’t look like he was joking though. Not until Jooheon saw his faint little smile. “If that’s what you want me to be.”

 

Jooheon hummed and turned away from Hyungwon, before moving back against his chest. It was surprisingly warm, and it was definitely comfortable. He shivered as he suddenly felt Hyungwon pressing soft kisses onto his skin. From the nape of his neck to his shoulder blades, and then he moved a little forward to press one last kiss onto the younger’s cheek. “Sleep tight baby, we have a long day tomorrow.” Jooheon made a little noise — which almost sounded like a whine — at the nickname Hyungwon just gave him. Hyungwon chuckled lightly and tightened his arms around Jooheon, pulling him closer. Jooheon kept his hand rested on top of Hyungwon’s, and Hyungwon used his free hand to caress the younger’s arm, in an attempt to put him to sleep.

 

Once he was convinced that Jooheon was asleep, Hyungwon mumbled a small “I love you.” But only a few seconds later, he could’ve sworn that heard a faint “I love you too.” The taller male smiled and let out a content sigh, before closing his eyes and eventually drifting off to sleep with Jooheon laying comfortably in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s for my hyungheonators


End file.
